


Icebreaker

by Selah



Series: Shinjitsu to Gensou [67]
Category: GacktJOB, Jrock, L'Arc~en~Ciel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Auras, Fear of loss of control, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Shared Nightmares, Soulmates, Supernatural Elements, fear of dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 06:53:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12501396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selah/pseuds/Selah
Summary: You doesn't know how or why he's been picking up ghosts of Hyde's nightmares. Maybe it's time they actually talked to each other.





	Icebreaker

**Author's Note:**

> Second attempt at a fill for the VKYaoi October challenge, this time with the fears of dogs and fear of loss of control. 
> 
> It's worth noting that pretty much everything about Hyde's (older) kid in this is totally fabricated. It's only recently come out that actually Hyde and Megumi parted on friendly terms and that he has pretty regular contact with his son. Unfortunately, the Gensou storyline had already pretty deeply entrenched the idea that Hyde had virtually no contact with his first child and that it was a wound on him that hadn't healed properly. 
> 
> time stamp on this is October/November 2015.

You jerked straight up in bed, but it hadn't been his nightmare. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he took a deep breath and reached for the already fading tendrils. Dogs. Darkness, cold, and dogs. Not enough to really paint a picture, but...

Slipping out of bed, You found himself hesitating at his own door. Things were ... _better_ between them, yes, but they weren't really.... Were they really to this yet? Was he really ready to explain himself? Something in him twitched and he stepped back, trying to retreat from what picking up even a glance of Hyde's nightmares might mean. _If_ that's even what had happened.

Another step backwards. He couldn't really be sure, could he? Maybe the dream had come from within his own mind. And then wouldn't he feel foolish, knocking on Hyde's door and asking if he was sleeping all right just to find out the man was fine.

No, no, given that scenario ... he was better off just going back to bed. It was probably nothing. It wasn't like they were really even friends yet anyway.

~*~*~

A little clearer that time. Again the cold and darkness, damp with rain and the reeking of wet dog. You didn't know why Hyde would be dreaming of such things, other than he supposed that cats commonly had such dreams about dogs. And still he kept his distance. They weren't friends, this arrangement was entirely and solely for the sake of Emi. He was just going to get a cup of tea and go back to bed.

A plan that might have worked if not for the part where, before he had even gone two steps, Emi started bawling in utter terror and misery. You didn't even hesitate, letting himself into the nursery and going straight to Emi's crib. The tears were heart wrenching and yet almost as soon as he lifted her into his arms, she started to hiccup and settle, clinging to his shirt with tiny fists.

“Sorry, I'll take her,” a sleepy Hyde mumbled. He was fully dressed, but rumpled, like he hadn't meant to fall asleep when he had. More than that, the door to Hyde's bedroom hadn't moved, still firmly closed.

“... have you been sleeping in here?” You asked, glancing over at the rocking chair. A blanket and pillow said yes even as Hyde huffed a denial. A frown and the man shifted on his feet.

“... maybe. By accident,” the half-demon mumbled, but the twitching of his cat ears gave him away. You pretended not to notice, though, seemingly turning his attention back to quieting Emi. She really was a surprisingly easy baby, though he was pretty sure she wasn't going to let him put her down or hand her over any time soon. As stubborn as both her daddies put together, really, though he couldn't say that was much of a surprise.

And then You remembered what Gackt and Isshi had said about Emi being nephilim and he frowned down at his soulmate's daughter. She wasn't even eight months old, surely she was too young to have _planned_ this ... but maybe not too young to think, if she cried at the right time and in the right way, someone might come and fix things for her. She was, after all, half Hyde.

“You know,” he said after a moment, “the shielding on the nursery won't do much good if you're in here with her while you're having your nightmares.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Hyde muttered and You had to bite back a smirk at the way the smaller man was hovering. Instead, he pretended once more not to notice, settling himself in the rocking chair.

“Right, right, of course not. She shrieked in terror from dreams of big wet dogs all by herself.”

“Who told you about that?” his soulmate's pet snapped, his whole body rigid with mixed emotions. You wasn't sure how Hyde's dreams had reached him through the shields, but then again, he didn't really know anything about how they worked. Maybe they only kept things from getting in?

“You did, just now,” he said without looking up. Tiny fists still clutched at his shirt, but the feel of the baby in his arms had shifted from fear to safety. Hyde, on the other hand, was wound so tightly that You was a little surprised Emi was able to sleep at all. He would wonder if she was faking it, but no, she was definitely asleep, completely trusting him to keep her safe.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Hyde muttered. As if that tactic was even still viable. You stayed quiet for a long moment, watching Emi sleep while Hyde twitched and paced and fought down the urge to just grab his daughter and go.

“I'm not saying we have to talk about it,” he said at last, “but if you're going to keep having nightmares, maybe don't sleep in here? It's not fair to her.”

“You don't understand,” Hyde huffed, still vibrating with things You was having a hard time separating into distinct things.

“So explain it to me?” he suggested softly.

“Not ... not in here ... not with her,” the half-demon mumbled, shuddering and then shuffling into his room. That was unexpected, but also an invitation You couldn't just ignore.

“This is what you really wanted, isn't it?” he whispered to the tiny baby in his arms. She didn't respond, of course, but she _did_ let him put her down. Answer enough.

He left the nursery door cracked just a bit, surprised to see Hyde curled up on his couch, clutching a beer in one hand with a couple more on the table. You took the far end of the couch and one of the other beers, watching the shifts in Hyde's aura. All the years they had known each other, forced to share Gackt between them, and he still couldn't read the other man very well sometimes. Most times. The alcohol wasn't likely to help with that, but....

“... so what did Gacten tell you, really?”

“He doesn't talk to me about you, he never has,” You said with a shake of his head.

“Obviously someone told you something,” Hyde grumbled, a tight knot of ... was that anger or shame?

“I've been getting flickers of nightmares the last several nights, dreams that weren't my own. Nothing concrete, really, mostly just vague impressions. Cold and dark, being trapped somewhere with the smell of wet dogs. I'd write it off as just typical cat nightmares, but there's a feeling of it being too specific for that. Something remembered rather than something just imagined.”

“... how the hell is that even possible?? You're not anything, you're just human!” Hyde snarled, but You could read him just well enough to tell he was snapping to cover ... something. Probably that You had too accurately, if still somewhat vaguely, described one of Hyde's recurring nightmares.

“I don't know, I just know that it's happened. And will probably keep happening if you keep sleeping in the nursery with Emi-hime,” he said softly, watching the shifting of Hyde's aura. Anger, frustration, fear ... guilt? Or was he reading everything wrong? From the set of Hyde's cat ears, he didn't think he was.

“... you don't understand,” Hyde mumbled, finishing his beer and then grabbing another. He hesitated, gnawing at his lip a moment, and then something in the demon hybrid shifted, spiky defenses collapsing as his shoulders sank inwards.

“And I won't,” You said softly, daring to brush a hand against Hyde's arm, “until you explain it to me.”

“I'm not ... I can't ... it's not that easy,” Hyde finally said, huffing as he scooted back into his corner. “It's not like it's just one thing.”

“So start at the beginning?” You suggested before taking a drink of his beer. He really would have preferred tea at this hour, but he wasn't going to walk out on Hyde, especially not when his former rival was actually on the threshold of talking to him for a change. Instead, he watched as the other physically pulled in on himself even more, all but chugging his second beer before grabbing a third. As if he felt the need for the illusion of liquid bravery before he could continue.

“I never knew my father, I still don't know how he got my mother pregnant or how I wasn't killed as soon as I was born,” Hyde mumbled. “Youkai and infernal demon ... no one wanted me. No one ever wanted me. Sixteenth century Japan wasn't exactly the most hospitable place for a cat, even a cute little kitten. What little I knew was entirely self-taught, mostly I'd scrounge the markets for scraps and find small places to hide. Dogs are dumb, but they can be persistent. Especially when hungry. The night Gacten found me, a bunch of feral mutts had cornered me in a wet hole.”

“If it's the night Gacchan found you ...,” but You stopped himself as he noticed the scowl on Hyde's face.

“Cold, wet, half starved and chased by a bunch of great big nasty wet dogs, yeah _you_ put a happy spin on that,” the other man snapped, glaring at him. Things still didn't add up quite right, though. It had been more than four hundred years since then, this was the first time You could remember ever picking up this dream. Ah, but perhaps that could be pinned on Emi? Stuck sharing Mommy's dreams and not knowing what else to do about it? But why was Hyde even having the dream right now? He had a secure home, protected and safe. Okay, yes, he was separated from Gackt at the moment, but still....

“... how does sleeping in the nursery ... well, I mean, it obviously isn't helping you sleep better, but....”

Another huff and You was alarmed to realize that Hyde was on his fourth beer already.

“Told you, it's not like that,” the demon hybrid grumbled. You quirked an eyebrow at him, quietly waiting for more of an explanation than that. Instead, Hyde sulked even more as he drank his beer entirely too quickly for comfort. This was ridiculous and in other circumstances it might even be funny, but right at the moment.... He needed to get past this if he was ever going to understand what was wrong. If he was going to have even a faint hope of putting a stop to the nightmares.

“Haido....”

“Luna-chan keeps insisting I use the nursery. She doesn't understand either,” the demon grumbled, hunching in on himself.

“Doesn't understand what?” You asked softly. Hyde shuddered, his whole aura going dark. More remembered trauma?

“... Kenta....”

The name was mumbled so softly You almost didn't catch it at all. Megumi's son, the little boy Hyde hadn't been allowed to see or even exchange mail with since their divorce. Up to now, Hyde had always acted like it didn't matter, like it didn't bother him. But now ... obviously that had all been an act, like so many others he put on, though he had been a good bit more convincing with that one that most of the others. Then again, this was obviously a deeply personal wound, one that was festering instead of healing.

“Haido ... no one's going to take Emi-hime away. I could almost pity the fool who tried. Gacchan would never allow it, you must know that.”

“Rationally, yes, I know that,” Hyde huffed, “but it's not like fear is particularly rational, you know? I look at her and ... the fear is so strong sometimes. I know she's safe here, I know Sensei and Gacten both would take apart anyone who tried to take her, but I can't escape the little voice saying this was all a mistake or a dream and that she's going to be taken from me.”

Hyde was right, fear wasn't rational, which made it that much harder for You to know what to do. The realization that Hyde had scooted closer, to the point of practically leaning against him ... oddly, that made it easier. Setting aside his unfinished beer, You shifted to where he could more easily slide an arm around the smaller man, encouraging closeness. It wasn't exactly normal for them, but it seemed to be what Hyde needed, the hybrid leaning into him with a hard shudder.

“Emi-hime isn't a mistake, Sensei doesn't make mistakes, not like that,” he said softly. “No one's going to take your daughter away from you.”

Hyde didn't say anything, but he did scoot himself closer still, leaning heavily into You's side. It felt a little weird, but not really _bad_. Just ... different. You still wasn't sure if they were really friends ... but maybe on the road to becoming friends? Maybe it didn't really matter at this moment. Maybe just being there for him was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Call this your one week warning - after next week, I won't be posting fic again until December or possibly January. November (and December) is going to be spent focusing on my NaNoWriMo project, if you'd like to know more about it, you can follow me on [Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/yuuana)! If you'd like to see more of my writings more often, please do consider becoming a Patron!


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